by Jennie Dilworth, Ph.D
Keywords: parenting, work-family research, intimate relationships
When I hear the term “work-family balance,” I envision a man or woman on a unicycle with a child under each arm, balancing a spinning plate of food (dinner) from a long rod atop his/her nose. Oh, and let’s not forget about the buzzing cellphone (the boss is calling!) perpetually attached to an ear! This picture would be hilarious if it didn’t, sadly, realistically portray how American parents feel about balancing work and family responsibilities. It can be a real circus! Work-family balance may be a misnomer: are work-life and family-life ever really “in balance”? Other related academic terms include work-family conflict or spillover, which may seem a more accurate representation of the process of combining a full-time family life with a full-time career. Spillover, a topic of my previous research[i], does not presuppose that a balance can be reached. In fact, spillover research looks at how, when, and why our experiences in one domain (for example, work) can spill over into another life domain (for example, family).
For many parents, the continuing need to balance a demanding job with the responsibilities of parenting can seem overwhelming. In early work-family research, working mothers (surprise!) were found to suffer both emotionally and physically in response to the stress of juggling work and family roles. However, as more parenting responsibilities now have been shifted to fathers, we see a similar stress response to work-family demands.
Is there a light at the end of this tunnel? And, how can work-family research help these families? Here are some suggestions for coping with the inevitable conflict between roles:
- Hold regular marital and family councils or planning sessions. Whenever appropriate (based on the age of the children), sit down together and record upcoming activities a week or more in advance. Then, display the calendar in a public space where everyone can consult it.
- Set boundaries to prevent your work responsibilities from spilling over on to family time. Of course, in some professions, you are literally “on call” and expected to immediately respond to a work emergency. However, many workers permit their workplaces to treat them as “on call” even when they are not. Make it clear to co-workers that you will not respond to work-related emails or texts after a certain hour each day because you value your family time.
- Working from home while caring for your children is a recipe for disaster. One of my favorite “Supernanny” episodes followed a mother who worked full-time from home while caring for her two preschoolers. The outcome: the mother’s boss was mad because she was constantly interrupted by her children, and the mom was angry that her children wouldn’t cooperate with her noble effort. Definitely a lose-lose arrangement!
- Understand that your feelings of guilt can negatively impact your children. Studies have shown that mothers who feel guilty about working often react to and treat their children differently than mothers who enjoy and accept their work responsibilities. It’s not the fact that you work that impacts your kids, it’s how you feel about working that matters most. FYI: dads don’t report feeling guilty about working.
- Don’t expect your house to look like Martha Stewart’s home. Relaxing some of your cleanliness and organization standards can help reduce time spent in housecleaning. Do you want your kids to remember how spotless your house was, or how much time you spent playing with them?
- Take a hard look at your job and that of your spouse. Is full-time work a necessity for both? Can one or both careers become more flexible in terms of telecommuting, reduced travel, or reduced hours? Is it possible to live on one income for a time? More and more families are bucking the dual-career trend and choosing to live on one income, at least for a while. The more simple life created when one spouse works full-time while the other dedicates time to home and family can lead to a more satisfying, stress-free existence for parents and children.
This article was originally posted on Linked-In.
[i] Dilworth, J. E. L. (2004). Predictors of negative spillover from family to work. Journal of Family Issues, 25, 241-261. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X03257406